We Interrupt This Hiatus to Bring You… DEAD LESBIANS

A little less than a year ago, my pal comedian Lisa Koch (HeyLisa.com) was running a Kickstarter campaign for her latest album Enjoy the Ride. I happily plonked down some cash and in thanks she offered to write me a parody song on the topic of my choice. So I chose the Bury Your Gays/Dead Lesbian Cliche Trope. Because who doesn’t need a good laugh in the face of all that unnecessary murdering of our sapphic sisters, eh?

She came back with this GEM and I am soooooooooooooo excited to share it with you!! I hope that you enjoy it, have a good laugh and gain some awareness in the process. And if you choose to share this little tune, please PLEASE credit Lisa and link folks to her website, her twitter “@heylisakoch” and her FB page: lisakochseattle

Here are the lyrics:

TV’S KNOCKING OFF LESBOS

(to “We Didn’t Start the Fire” – Billy Joel)

Parody lyrics:  Lisa Koch ©2018 Mamajune Music (BMI), Tongueinchic Productions LLC

 

Spoken:

Hey, what’s up, TV? Queer woman are getting killed off at 5 times the rate of “average” characters.  That’s bad.  Real bad.  Like for instance….

 

Nora and Mary Louise, Vampire Diaries

Alisha and Denise from the Walking Dead are done

Kaplan from the Blacklist, Lexa we were all pissed

Handmaid’s Tale got Martha 617-301

 

Lilly, Jenny, Charlie all

Dead on “Supernatural”

Xena,  Warrior Princess, that was back in ‘01

Dana, Jenny “L Word”

Joan, Danielle, “Wentworth”

Nan, Nora, Tara, Queen Sophie “True Blood”

 

Chorus:

TV’s knocking off Lesbos

Write ‘em in and save ‘em, don’t exterminate ‘em

TV’s knocking off Lesbos

Why do you create ‘em if you’re gonna waste ‘em?

 

Susan, Talvinder, Renee

“Slasher” made ‘em go away

Bullet from “The Killing”, and Felicity from “The Catch”

“Pretty Little Liars” said Maya, Shawna, Sarah—dead!

“OITNB” whacked Tricia and Poussey

 

Rachel Posner, “House of Cards”

“Jane the Virgin’s” Rose got shot

Then was resurrected as Susanna and Eileen

“Gotham’s” Barbara, Sara Arrow

“Warehouse 13’s” HG Wells

Resurrected after dyin’,

And the fans are screamin’, cryin’

 

TV’s knocking off Lesbos

Write ‘em in and save ‘em, don’t exterminate ‘em

TV’s knocking off Lesbos

Why do you create ‘em if you’re gonna waste ‘em

 

Bridge:

Gina from “Shut Eye”

Snoop and Tosha from “The Wire”

Dusty from “Queer as Folk” back in ‘05

Camilla, Mimi, Rhonda, “Empire” from Shonda

Don’t forget Talia rockin’ “Babylon Five”

 

Wendy, Ivy, Lucy, Alice

Winter, Bebe, and the Countess

Sally and Natasha – “‘Merican Horror Story”

Number 3 and Number 6-ah, “Battlestar Galactica”

“Doctor Who”, Bill and Heather

Kick the bucket, all together

 

TV’s knocking off Lesbos

Write ‘em in and save ‘em, don’t exterminate ‘em

TV’s knocking off Lesbos

Why do you create ‘em if you’re gonna waste ‘em?

 

Bridget on “24”,

“Black Mirror”, Kelly Yorkie

Mia from “Rogue”, Zoe, Rachel on “Scream”

Dax, “Deep Space Nine”

“Teen Wolf”, Emily’s dyin’

Carla, “Code Black”, yeah she had the Big C

Julia from “The Exorcist”, Saxa from “Spartacus”

Sophie, Mayfair “Blind Spot”

Jack’s mom, “30 Rock”

 

TV’s knocking off Lesbos

Write ‘em in and save ‘em, don’t exterminate ‘em

TV’s knocking off Lesbos

Why do you create ‘em if you’re gonna waste ‘em?

 

Marissa from “The O.C.”, Sam on “Scream Queens”

“Northern Exposure” killed Cicely ‘92

Susan, “Van Helsing”, Ash on “Janet King”

Shaz and Al and Natalie are “Bad Girls”, too

 

Olivia, “Nip/Tuck”, “Prison Break”, A&W

“Vampire Diaries”, and Nadia got bit

Bridey from “The Family”, June from “Sons of Anarchy”

Tits up, dirt nap, we ain’t gonna take this crap

TV’s knocking off Lesbos

Write ‘em in and save ‘em, don’t exterminate ‘em

TV’s knocking off Lesbos

Where’s the happy ending, this is never ending, ending, ending…