Yesterday I was on the phone with customer servicefor one of the businesses my company works with. It was a pleasant interaction and, following the end of the call, I received a “How Are We Doing” survey request from the agent who had assisted me.

Most of the survey was your typical “On a Scale of 1 to 5 Rate your Experience” series of check boxes; but at the end was a place where a person could leave a free form comment.

I was about to write something like, “Excellent service, keep up the good work”, when it suddenly occurred to me that this was a window of opportunity to answer the question, “What if Jane Austen were to reply to a contemporary customer service survey?”

So I wrote this (please note, names have been changed for privacy):

Dear Sir or Madam or, indeed, Monkey (as ‘twere the case, this being a Survey after all),

 It is a truth universally acknowledged that a lighting rep in possession of a quality product must be in want of a reliable customer service agent.

 Behold me going to write you as handsome a letter of praise as I can.

 The day began with a dismaying cry of vexation as I was in the most piteous of states trying to discover the purpose and function of your device named simply “N80”.

 I was in want of a sheet of specification that would in detail reveal the secrets of the device, thus imbuing me of the knowledge wherein I might present the piece confidently to those so in need.

 Finding myself at a loss for such discovery I lept with eager haste to take in hand my telephonic communicator and, pressing the appropriate keys in sequence, found myself, as luck would have it, directly connected with your Mister Brzozowski. It is his name, though unpronounceable, of whom I sing the praises of this day.

 Quick to the task, Mister Brzozowski eloquently answered my questions, of which there were many, and politely directed me to the location of the document I sought. My brain so full with new knowledge and my chest swollen with sighs of relief, I thanked Mister Brzozowski heartily for his time and learned counsel and returned to my work so much the better for it.

 I endeavor here to remark how very grateful I was for his aide and thank you heartily for his employment as it benefits us all.

 Yours very truly,

Jen “Austen” Tidwell

I think I shall respond to survey inquiries in this manner from now on.

And this week’s edition to the Testimonial Gallery is:

Natalia Tena aka Tonks!

Yes, there is a smudgey bit on the photo, she’d written my wife and I a personal message and I (badly) photoshopped it out to keep it personal. Hope ya’ll don’t mind 🙂