I never thought that surviving chemo-therapy would give me a super-power, but it has. I have discovered that I now have a Super Nose. My olfactory senses have been on over-drive ever since this time last year, when I was in the middle of treatments.

My Nose doesn’t just smell things in Black and White. We’re talking full on Technicolor!

I can walk into any room and immediately sniff out the slightest ambrosia of odor. It works most effectively (of course) on unpleasant smells. For example, lately, I’ve been tuned in to poo. Yup, poo. The other day I walked into my bedroom and was overcome by the familiar sharp eau de merde. I immediately went to sourcing it out, prepared to unleash heck on which ever of our pets was the guilty party.

Stop looking so cute, you know what you did!

I finally found the culprit droppings all the way down in the basement, in the cat box, covered up with supposedly odor-destroying litter, like it was supposed to be. I took the opportunity to clean the cat box of this one, lonely, arguably tiny and unimpressive pile and, sure enough, it solved the rancorous problem. But any normally-nosed person wouldn’t have been even noticed the smell.

If only actual poop was this adorable…and also squeaked.

I long for a simpler time when my schnozz wasn’t so eager to prove its mettle.

This nose has NOTHING on mine…

I can smell saline from 100 yards away. I can smell marina sauce at a league. Think you might have a sinus infection? Just stand 3 feet away from me and exhale nasally and I can probably diagnose you. Don’t even talk to me about perfumes and colognes, OY! Guys, Axe chocolate body spray is GROSS. SERIOUSLY, cut it out!

The one benefit to this whole thing is that I my palate is more attuned to flavor as well. I can taste complex foods far more completely. I don’t know that I’m one of those folks who can name the ingredients of a dish by tasting, but I could probably get pretty close (especially if I was more “up” on all the spices and seasonings that are out there…I constantly confuse sage and rosemary…). Unfortunately, a side effect to this bonus-prize is weight gain, because most food tastes AWESOME.

I guess, much like my nose, I’ll have to teach myself some restraint. Besides, I’ve heard the cake is a lie.

Yes, this cake.

And this week’s addition to the TESTIMONIAL GALLERY IS:

My Dad, actor Byron Tidwell! Here looking only slightly like your creepy Uncle Norm.

Thanks, Dad! If you’re in Las Vegas this summer you can catch him as Fagin in Oliver!

I’ve got a super exciting gallery edition coming next week, so stay tuned!