Doctor Who has made the Fez a thing again. I say “again” as if it ever was one to begin with. Not so sure it was. But I like to cover my bases and assume the best, so I’ll stick with “again”.

So fezzes, they’re back. Should they be?

Well I say, why not?

What I love about them is that, as an article of clothing, they serve no purpose except to make the wearer look silly no matter who that person is. They make everyone look equally doof-y.

A fez a paradox. It is so uncool it goes around in  a full felt circle and smacks Cool right back in the face and says, “Eff you Cool! I am SO cool.”

So Cool.

Hipsters who rock a fez think they are doing so because they are cool and ironic. But, HA! Joke’s on you hipsters because just by wearing a fez ironically, you have fallen victim to the Fez Paradox, wherein a fez is so uncool it becomes cool, but if you wear it ironically to be cool it returns to its uncool state and you end up looking like a dweeb. (Yet another reason why I’m for the Fez.)

FAIL.

You can wear a fez with sincerity, and the Paradox will bless you with Cool. The exception to this is driving a tiny car while wearing a fez – then, no matter how sincere you are, you are still uncool.

Still Uncool.

And now, a poem:

I wear my Fez

And my wife says

“Is that from Chez?”

I say, “Nope not a pres.”

I eat some Pez

Reclining as

I pick up the phone

And call *Inez.

*Note: I don’t know anyone named Inez